For the Love of Money
With all of the stressors in the world these days, it’s no surprise that relationships deal with their fair share of issues. Even the most solid marriages encounter turmoil. What’s one of the most common reasons why marriages fail? You guessed it, money. Money is the single most common issue that married couples fight about and the second most common reason for divorce. While the divorce rate has been dropping in recent years, it doesn’t mean that married couples are arguing less. Whether you are about to be married, still in the honeymoon phase, or celebrating your silver anniversary, a financial checkup is just what the doctor ordered.
Pending Nuptials
In the beginning, you can’t imagine your partner as anything short of perfect, right? You even think their quirks are cute. Take advantage of this time to have some serious talks. Now is the time to discuss a prenup, allocate a fair distribution of your respective incomes for bills and expenses, make a debt repayment plan, start saving and plan for your future as a married couple. The best way to do that is with a detailed Budget.
Did the term prenup have you shaking in your boots? No need to stress. It may be a hard topic to bring up, but this person is your partner, and it won’t be the last tough conversation you will have. Addressing financial concerns before walking down the aisle is a smart way to set your marriage up for success. If you have assets going into the marriage, you will both want to be protected for the future.
Set expectations early, so there are no surprises down the road. This means discussing what you will both be responsible for during your marriage. Will you have a joint bank account? Will you have any separate accounts? Will you have joint credit? How will you divide your living expenses? If you are keeping things separate, consider that fair division does not necessarily mean 50/50. If your soon-to-be spouse makes $100,000 while you make $50,000, it may be unreasonable to expect you both to split the bills down the middle.
Speaking of debt and expenses, have you been hiding any debts from your partner? Now is the time to let the skeleton out of the closet. You can tackle your debts easier as a united front than you can on your own; give your partner the chance to enter into the marriage with full knowledge of accounts that will affect you both down the road.
These talks don’t have to be all doom and gloom, either. Some of the most fun financial talks my husband and I have had revolved around planning for our future. What kind of house we wanted, where we would live, if we wanted to have children, what we would be doing after our children leave the house, etc. These are all very important conversations to have with your significant other and can help set realistic expectations and keep you motivated!
The Newlywed Game
Now that you’ve said "I Do!" the hard part is over, right? Not quite. You and your spouse should have regular check-ups on your financial health. Even if one person takes control of the bills and the other prefers to stay out of the details, you should still discuss your funds regularly. You can decide how often these check-ups occur, but be sure you are both completely on top of your financial situation. Think of it as the State of the Union for your money. Both partners should have a say and agree to new debts, spending, and saving.
The Days are Long but the Years are Short
Couples who have been married for a while know the unique stressors encountered during long-term living arrangements. Kids, aging parents, helping family members, unexpected bills, student loans, and loss of employment are just some of the issues that have an impact on your bottom line. Don't accept complacency just because you have been together for a long time. As your financial status changes, so too will your goals and needs. Check-in with your spouse to ensure you are both on the same page and are on target to meet your goals.
I hope this helps you to feel prepared to take on the tough money conversations that are crucial to a healthy relationship. If you have anything to add, please leave me a comment below or email me directly!
Krista Kyte is a personal finance blogger and personal banker with over 17 years of experience in the financial industry. Krista is passionate about helping our members understand their financial situations. She writes tips that will help consumers reach and maintain financial security, and start living the life they’ve always wanted.
